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1. 
   Review - AdvancedRemoteInfo

   0.6.5.3 Beta (Nov 21, 2006)

   After I installed this program, it deleted almost every single file I had with the word 'bottle' in the filename. I'm not sure why.
   
   After I uninstalled it, I cried in the shower.
   
   It was a shower of sulphuric ACID.

2. 
   Review - Shooting Star

   3.1.3 (Nov 21, 2006)

   $120 does seem a bit steep...
   
   I have a program does the same thing, and it's called Microsoft Excel.
   
   The colors make me want to use a corkscrew on my eyeballs, and that's just from a screenshot.
   
   A friend of mine downloaded this program, then shot himself in the face with a shotgun.
   
   My own experiences were somewhat better-- I only used a .357 magnum.

3. 
   Review - K.A.R.I.

   2.7 (Nov 21, 2006)

   This program does suck.
   
   When I tried to uninstall it, I had to use a little comb instead of the uninstaller.
   
   This program is exactly like a case of the crabs.
   
   When I was in Vietnam, I paid a VC woman $8 to piss in my mouth. It left a better taste than this program did.